Watch the Podcast Here:

Show Notes

No one ever said opening a business was easy. In fact, it’s one of the most challenging things you can do. There are a lot of long hours involved and a lot of risks. You’re constantly putting your blood, sweat and tears into your business in the hopes that it will all pay off in the end. But no matter how dedicated you are or how much effort you put in, there are always going to be things beyond your control that can impact the success of your business. That’s why having the right mindset is so important. Join me as I chat with my friend Derlene Hirtz about how you think.

Want to Work with Jennifer and her Virtual Marketing Experts Team?

Are you a coach, consultant, or online course creator who are looking to grow your business, increase your income, and scale your impact? Connect with me at YourMarketingMatchmaker.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Jennifer: Hey there, welcome back to Marketing Matchmaker. As you know, we are in the month of November, which is all about me giving back to my audience, which means that a lot of my guests right now may not directly relate to marketing, but they will definitely help you grow your business. So today, I have a friend here, who I love and who has done amazing things for me and my business. And I just wanted her to share with you, you know who she is, what she does, and how what she does can really help you to grow this successful business that you’ve already desired. So I’m going to introduce you to Derlene Hertz. Derlene is the owner of You Empowered Services, and she is a mindset coach, strategist, trainer, and really does help her clients to achieve those levels of success that they’ve always dreamed of. I have to say, just a shout out, that my business wouldn’t be where it’s at today, had I not gone through the training that Derlene provides. So I really want wanted to share what she has with everyone else. Welcome to the show today, Derlene.

Derlene: Thank you, I am honored and a complete pleasure to be here! Super excited.

Jennifer: I am super excited. I love talking about mindset. And I know in our, you know, we talk about it all the time, because we know how much it affects our business, but I don’t think maybe everyone does. So explain why, what it is that about mindset that you need and why it’s important.

Derlene: Sure. So interestingly enough, I just had this conversation at a meeting I was at. And we were talking about success is 90% mindset, 10% action. And what happens is people take action with the wrong mindset. And so they’re living this life of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and every day they get up and say “Okay, today is going to be different.” Well, that can’t be, because the mind that got you there to that point, is not the mind that can move you forward. It’s got to have some new skills, some new tools, some new, I don’t know, energy, whatever term you want to use to get it going. I mean, it’s just like, you can only go so far. And I don’t know soccer, that’s what everybody plays around here. And if you aren’t introduced to a new skill or a new coach or something like that, you’re going to be playing the same soccer at 14 that you were playing at 6. It’s just the way that it happens.

Jennifer: I agree wholeheartedly when it comes to just that skill, right? Like, it’s a skillset that you learn and a new skillset, everyone is focused on learning new skills, right? Like they learn how to bake bread, or they learn, you know, how to drive a car, or whatever that might be, but they don’t necessarily look at upgrading how they think. And how they think, is what’s really going to take them to that next level. Right?

Derlene: Yes, they’re very concerned about what they think. And we’re not concerned about that. We’re concerned about how you think because that’s where we can go in and do some great work with you, to help you shift how it is that you’re looking at a situation or how it is that you’re handling a situation. Help you with different perspectives, and then you go, “Oh my gosh, that makes so much more sense,” and the next thing, you know, you’re signing the clients, you’re closing the sales, you’re doing all the things that you knew you were capable of, you just couldn’t get there because you were, I don’t know, for lack of a better word, kind of stuck. Because you didn’t know what you didn’t know. And I see that all the time. That you know, people think well, you know, this is the way it is. No, it’s not! Nooooo!

Jennifer: I know, I know, there’s a thing that people say a lot like, “It is what it is.” And after working with you for so long, it really is what you make it, right? And so accepting, everyone can accept where they’re at, right? Like if you want to just live where you’re at and live in whatever’s going on. Cool. That’s awesome for you, no judgment. However, if you really want to get to those next levels of life, business, success. Your mindset is the key to opening up those doors.

Derlene: Yep. 100% Because really, you know, I- how many times have I said you’re acting like a child or maybe even have had that said a time or two. And the reality is that’s a super chill true statement. Because we are operating on our imprint, right, our zero to seven years old when we learned all the things, and then we kind of we quit growing, you know, we learned all the emotions and good and bad emotions and how they handle them and everything. And we just quit growing. So it’s like we have a little seven year old parked up in our head, and it’s reacting to all these things in life. And it’s because we don’t have we didn’t haven’t upgraded our mind, we haven’t retrained our brain, we haven’t gained any more skills around how to deal with situations. So we’re dealing with them basically, the way that we were when we were seven years old, you know, throwing little fits, and our fits might just look a little differently these days. However, we’re just, I don’t know, seven year old Derlene fit. I’ve done that a few times in my life.

Jennifer: I have too, I mean, I’m going to be quite honest here like that’s, that’s definitely something that you’ve hit. So when someone hits a wall, right, they’ve gotten to the point of whatever success they want and they just, they either hit that ceiling or that wall or whatever it is that they metaphor they use, and they’re stuck. What is it that they need to do? Like, what’s the first step to getting unstuck?

Derlene: Well, awareness. When we become aware, we go,  “Huh… yeah, nothing is happening. I am where it was this time last year in my business, my relationship is still in the same place that has been for 15 years.” I mean, fill in the blank, right? And so that awareness, and what happens is many times people do the, “Oh, it is what it is.” You know, I hear Eeyore, “it is what it is.” And then they stopped. So what’s another 15 years miserable like this? You know, at least I know, I’m gonna get up tomorrow. So awareness. And then acknowledgement. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got this going on. Yeah, I for 15 years, we’ve kind of been like this. We’re really not going anywhere here. Yeah… Business yet is what did it all we had the pandemic. That’s why…” Right, excuses. And as I say, we can have reasons or we can have results. But we can’t have both, right. So so then what happens? And that’s where I would say, between those two, awareness and acknowledgement, that’s where 99% of the world is, you know? And then there’s that 1% of us who go, “Okay, now, what do I do about this? I get it. I’m tired of this relationship. I’m tired of this business looking like this, I’m tired of the mess in my life. And I’m going to do something about it.” And so I believe that you have to become aware, you have to acknowledge, and then you get to move to action. And that’s where your successes, right is in that action. And once you gain new skills and new perspectives, then all bets are off. And people say it’s everything I ever dreamed of and more. People didn’t even- don’t even realize that they can have dreams even bigger than their seven year old mind would allow them to have, right. That’s what’s so freaking cool about mindset.

Jennifer: It is so cool because we are able to see, like, we’re able to see the growth of people. I know and just in my own life with my husband and my kids, being able to see when their mind sets shift that there’s massive growth. And that’s, I think, something the joy of what you do, right?

Derlene: Yep. I’m thinking of a student right now, and she’s actually getting ready to go to the intense training. And I was, I got a text from her today and she said, “Oh, I’m so looking forward to the celebration.” And that, that, in my mind, it triggered my mind to think about when I first met her, and how disempowered she was and how she just, I mean, like, I mean Eeyor comes to mind again, you know, she just kind of moped around and she was very successful. I mean, that’s the whole thing is that, that successful people are even almost more apt to get caught in this “stuckedness” because their ego gets in the way. You know, “Oh, I can’t let anybody know I feel like this because really, everybody thinks I’m a success.” Well, that’s a whole ‘nother, whole ‘nother podcast we could do, right? And I was thinking about how, how far she’s come. And even to get that text, because there was excitement in that texting, “Yeah, I’m ready for this, bring it on!” And her transformation has been so amazing. She literally, the last day of training that we just had, what, a week ago, two weeks ago, she literally walked up to me she was, “Well I’m off to sell a house,” and she closed the deal that night. And she was just high, high, high on her mountain celebrating. And I just love that, you know. And I just don’t know that it gets any better than that. Is what, you know, student, after student, after student, after student go through that and clients as well, you know, just the “aha” moments of them realizing that I don’t know, they might be the common denominator.

Jennifer: Isn’t that the truth, though? I mean, that’s one of the things that I don’t think any- so many people don’t want to acknowledge, is that, you know, what’s the common denominator in your life, right? This person did this to you, that person did that to you, whatever the reason, or the excuse, or whatever that’s going on in your life, what’s the common denominator? And it’s always, always us, right?

Derlene: Look in the mirror the person that you see, that’s pretty much who’s responsible for your life.

Jennifer: So when it comes to business, how has mindset shifted your life and your business, and/or your clients life in business?

Derlene: So I’ll just be vulnerable, I’ll just talk about me. And I was in a position where I was working for, I would call it a very toxic, I was in a toxic working environment. That’s the way I would say it now. Now I don’t think I could have said it like that back then. But I recognize it now is just that. And it was so disempowering, right? Sometimes things would be said to me, and I’d be like, “Why would you even say something like that?” You know, and, and so, when I think back to that time, about the first time I made a phone call, and got involved in all of this NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, all the things, and I see the incredible growth. First of all, I never even dreamed of being a business owner, or an entrepreneur, that just was not even in the list of things you could do in my family. And when I, so that was my first huge step is, is owning that I wanted to be an entrepreneur. And then I remember being at a meeting with all the old people, all the old friends, quote-unquote, business people, and we’re going around introducing ourselves, and I remember the man sitting next to me going- I said, “My name is Derlene Hirtz, and I am a business owner, entrepreneur,” and he looked at me, he goes, “I wondered how you are going to introduce yourself.” And he said it with, not with admiration, like I thought, maybe he would, but with like, I don’t know, just a different tone to it, that that was familiar to me, which was a reminder to me. And so just going from there, and then within three years, I had made a quarter million dollars, and was being able to, which the only thing that that dollar signifies to me, is all the lives we’ve been able to impact, that I get to look at somebody and go, “I am so thankful for you,” because their journey becomes my journey. We’re just mirrors for each other. I mean that’s like, the coolest thing ever is, you want to be a coach, the greatest thing about coaching is, you get to coach yourself! And just knowing that that happens, and then, having those nights, where you’re up wondering, “What bill am I going to pay? What event am I going to attend?” Putting ourselves out there, getting comfortable being uncomfortable. As I always say this, the first order of business is get comfortable being uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, because if you can’t do that, you will never make it and the entrepreneurialship world just won’t happen. And so, the shifting of the mindset and all of that, took work. It wasn’t like, I could say, “Oh, I’ll just write affirmations all over my mirrors every morning and, and then I’ll be confident,” you know, or, you know, I’ll ace it or whatever. And, and it takes real work about, you know, where is it that I lost that confidence, you know, what happened in my life to to make me not feel confident? You know, what happened in my life, to make me feel like I wasn’t worthy, or I’m not enough? What happened? And that’s where the gold is- I’m going to start crying on this podcast, just thinking about it. But that’s where the gold is, you know, is to drop the ego, and take a real good look in that mirror and go, “Where did that happen at?” And then it’s no blaming, it’s thank you for the lesson, I appreciate the lesson, because now I can move on. Because you and I both know if we don’t learn that lesson, it is going to come back and keep trying to teach us, and trying to teach us, and trying to teach us until, I will say my words, the big two by four comes up, right. I mean, literally, it was like, these situations were being put in my path, and put in my path, and put in my path. And I kept, you know, “aware, aware, aware, acknowledge, okay, I acknowledge, yeah, this is like really probably not where I should be. Aware, acknowledge. And then boom, the two by four, and I might- Okay, now what? And that was a really, really dark time in my life. Because I didn’t know what I didn’t have any tools. And I certainly had a very, dark mindset around what my future was. And once I started getting involved in all of this, and I remember saying to my coach, how did this happen so fast? Two months ago, I’m telling God, I’m done, and now I’ve got all these dreams, it’s like a list that now I’m negotiating for 50 more years in my life, right. And it was all because I really got to the down and dirty of, of my mindset and shifting it. And I would say that I grew up with a very fixed mindset, that was my model. And a fixed mindset only believes that they’re capable of only so much, and life is what it is, and I call it the “box living in the box.” And once I opened that first little, opening in the box, the flap, the first flap, I could see, number 1, the opportunities that I could create for myself, and the awareness of once I gain the confidence and I gain the the self worth, and stop the self doubt, all of that. I just became on fire. And I will tell you that it’s not 100% all the time, because as I say, if anybody tells you that they’re 100% and they have no self doubt, and they’re all this, I’m gonna say run, run, run the other way. You definitely don’t want to be their coach and you definitely don’t want to train with them because the number one person we lie to is…

Jennifer: Ourselves.

Derlene: Our self. Yeah, and we are a constant constant, constant work in progress.

Jennifer: Yeah. And I think, I know people hate to think about actual work, right? Because there are so many people out there, you’ve seen them, all the Guru’s out there that just say, you know, to write those affirmations, just repeat those affirmations to yourself nine bazillion times a day, and it doesn’t tend to stick. It might work for a short period, but it doesn’t tend to stick. So let’s talk about how what you do is different.

Derlene: So what I do is, like you said, the affirmation might last for 24 hours, and that’s only if it’s an affirmation, like if I wrote down in the mirror that I’m skinny, I’m skinny, I’m skinny, I’m skinny, and no matter how many times I tell myself, and this is what you’re seeing… Okay, at some point, it’s totally incongruent. So that’s bs, right. So what I do that so different, is that I work with the unconscious mind. And that’s where, that’s where all the glory and the gold is. Because consciously, so I would say that our life is ran by 90% unconscious, 10% conscious. And our conscious mind believes it’s running our entire life, when it’s barely showing up. It’s literally the mouthpiece if you will, for what’s truly going on, right. And so what I do is, I get to the root of what’s really behind that. Right, what’s really behind that lack of self worth, or that lack of self doubt and, sometimes it’s something as simple as, somebody saying something to you, like, I don’t know, “You’re dumb!” One time in your life, somebody says that and you take that on as your story, and you believe that and and now you go through life, and you’re dumb, or you’ve even labeled that, right, labeled that yourself from experience. To, who knows, people live some pretty crummy traumatic childhoods and stuff and yet they still attach a story to that, right, story that they then begin believing and begin living. And reality is, we can go back and change that story, that’s what I do, is I help people change their story, to where it serves them and empowers them as opposed to does not. As opposed to disempowering them, I guess would probably be the way to say that.

Jennifer: I love that, I mean I have to say, you know, as I said at the beginning of the show, this is something that has transformed my business and my mindset, the you know, really focusing on that as helped me to grow my business like crazy. When someone comes to you, what is it that they’re generally thinking? Like, what is where are they stuck? What’s that thought that, that finally gets them to move to a place that they actually want change?

Derlene: Well, I think it’s different for everyone. Sometimes it is that they know that there’s way more potential in them, and they can’t get it out of them. Sometimes they are very successful monetarily, and they still feel like an impostor or fraud. And what I’ve recognized is that the more successful people are, because our society judges success on money, right, that’s where our value is overall, generalizing, that then they still have what we call the “itty bitty shitty committee” firing off, right, they still have all the negative self talk and everything, and they don’t know what to do with it. Because everybody tells them how successful they are and their egos reminding them that, right. And so, that’s one of the things that I’ve noticed as I work with high achieving clients, is that they come because they really want, I’m going to call it unconditional happiness. They bought the car, they bought the boat, they bought the house, they might even buy a partner, whatever. And still, they don’t have the happiness that everybody says they deserve, and that’s because we put a condition on happiness, just like we can put condition on love. And reality is, when we can get back to unconditional happiness, then that boat is much more fun to ride in, that relationship is much more exciting to love in, because it does all start with us. People try to fix it out there, and reality is, it’s inside of us that needs to be fixed. So I’d say that’s why.

Jennifer: There was something that you said a few minutes ago about how that itty bitty shitty committee leads to impostor syndrome in this world of success, and when someone- I know, we talk about, like, the wheel of life, right, that, that there’s different aspects and areas of your life and just because you’re successful in money, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re successful in, maybe your relationships, or your health, or your I don’t know, whatever. Whatever other area of life is important to you that that may also be struggling, does, and this is a question that I’m sure everyone’s going to go, “Duh Jen, like, why are you even asking that?” But can what you do, affect every area and it’s not just focused on business?

Derlene: Oh yeah, it does. And again, we can lie to ourselves all we want, or kid ourselves all we want, but reality is, how you do some things, you do all things, and how you do the big things, you do the small things. Our work, feeds our personal life and our personal life serves our work. And so if that’s true, then it is a vicious cycle. You know, people come home from work and they’re crabby and they’re, they’re disassociated with their family. Do you think that doesn’t impact the family? Oh, heavens, yes. And then you have turmoil going on at home. I mean, I’m just thinking about, you know, my husband talking about people who were going through divorce and his work, and how they can’t get him to perform, or they need to get them mental health help, you know, all the things. So 100%, that that wheel, that we talked about that life wheel, is so essential to harmonize it. Now many people say they want to balance life and they want to balance work and they want to balance business. Well, reality is, the only way that I can- always what comes to my mind is my sister and I tried to do the teeter totter. We’re right at the same height, right at the same weight, and all the things, and we’re trying to do the teeter totter and balance that. And that lasts for about a half a second, right? And then we’re back at it again. And if we think of it in terms of harmonizing it, reality is during a busy season at work, you’re going to be putting in more hours. That’s the reality of the work, right. And then there’ll be times at home when you’re when you’re needed much more at home, you know, whatever that looks like. So what would happen if we really truly looked at harmonizing that, you know, and knowing that the 18 hour days for 4 weeks will come to an end, right? And then you could do the 8 hour work and be home for your family and feel good about taking a vacation and all the things? So yes, very definitely. They speak to each other, and sometimes not so nicely.

Jennifer: True, true.

Derlene: I mean, in transparency, that’s exactly what happened to me. When I look at my life wheel, the one area of my life is my health. And I used to be, I used to be a PE teacher. So I was really strong, 100% energy, used to sit on my couch at night and go, “I can’t sit here, I had to go do something with this energy,” and then started my own business, and did a lot of networking and networking is around food. And sometimes I network four times a day, that would be breakfast, lunch, supper, and happy hour! And that all added up, you know, I would literally think, “Man, I paid $25 to be here, you bet I’m gonna eat that toasted ravioli,” or whatever. You know, and all the years later, now, I’m working to reverse that, and I know for certain, it shows up everywhere in my life, you know. So it’s just a vicious cycle, that, that, if we look at balance, it’s not going to happen. If we look for harmony, it can very well happen.

Jennifer: I love, and that was something that was really hard for me to, to accept, right, harmony versus balance. Because I think forever, I was always trying to balance why I started my business in the first place was so that I could balance work in life. So I could, so I could have both. And reaching for that harmony of realizing that sometimes works gonna come ahead, and sometimes family is going to come ahead, and it’s cool. And we just get to roll with what’s needed in that time, I think is a huge shift for people, and can really make a huge difference in their lives. So, for those that are looking to create a shift in their life, they’re looking to change something in their mindset or their business, or success. How would they get ahold of you? What’s the best way for them to connect?

Derlene: So probably the best way to connect is to LinkedIn. It’s easy to connect, it’s just Darlene Hirtz. And it’s D-E-R-L-E-N-E  H-I-R-T-Z. And also, just send me an email is derlene@youempoweredservices(.com), and you spelled out Y-o-u Empowered Services.com. And those are probably the two best ways. And then I’ll be happy to reach out and share with them what it is that I have that maybe could help them? And if not, I certainly know somebody who can, that’s for sure.

Jennifer: That’s awesome.

Derlene: The goal is to really step into transformation of self.

Jennifer: Right. And it’s the perfect time, right, like this is- Timing is everything, we are at the end of the year, if your year has not been what you want it to be, and you know as well as I do, your mindset is a part of that. Now’s the time to step into shifting that, into making those changes in your life and your business.

Derlene: I agree.

Jennifer: So I will have all of Derlene’s information in the show notes and you can reach out to her there. And we will see you on the next episode of Marketing Matchmaker!

OUTRO: Thank you for listening to the marketing matchmaker podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love to hear your feedback. Please head over to Apple iTunes and leave a review so we can hear from you. And if you are a coach, consultant or online course creator who are looking to grow your business, increase your income and scale your impact. Connect with me at your marketing matchmaker.com I look forward to hearing from you.